There’s no question that a spouse is negatively affected by the other’s snoring problem. Sleeping next to someone who snores can be like having a freight train rumbling through your bedroom on an irregular schedule, constantly shocking you awake in the middle of the night.
Talking about it can often lead to fights, hurt feelings, and complete frustration as the problem seems to continue. The spouse who snores may feel uncapable of resolving the situation. The one who is suffering next to them sometimes thinks not enough is being done to make the problem go away.
Talking about snoring doesn’t have to lead to fighting. Like any conflict that arises between a couple, if both parties can remember to be sensitive to the needs of the other, conversations can be much more productive.
Pointing fingers is the leading culprit in stirring a battle. How you raise the snoring issue with your partner can determine your success in getting the situation resolved.
Think about it this way…let’s say you found some great, new shoes on sale at Nordstrom’s. Getting a bit carried away, you buy four pairs of shoes and blow your disposable income for the month. Your spouse finds his golfing money for the upcoming weekend is gone. You’re not surprised, but you might be hurt when he says “Now, I can’t golf this weekend because of you!” As much as he or she might be right, doesn’t it make you just a bit defensive? Don’t you think to yourself, “Hey, I needed those shoes! It’s not like I go on a shopping spree every week!” And how quickly the attack and the defensive position lead to a fight.
Same goes with snoring. If you approach your spouse with a comment like “I couldn’t sleep at all last night because of YOU!”, it’s a blow to the other’s ego. It’s just too easy to look for a defense. “Well, it’s not like I can control what I do in my sleep!” and off you go, down the rabbit hole.
Instead of fighting, try to tackle the issue as a couple. Snoring isn’t healthy for either of you. The one who snores isn’t getting the best quality sleep and the one who has to listen to it is awoken from a deep sleep several times a night which isn’t healthy either.
If you have already been fighting about the issue, take some time to address the problem in a calm and helpful manner. Apologize for having allowed the discussions to get so tense. Explain that your intentions are good, even if your approach hasn’t felt that way. Come up with ideas for how to resolve the situation. Offer to do make an appointment for your spouse to see a doctor or to do research to find the best anti-snoring approach. You, the snoring-listener, actually have the most information to help your spouse because he or she probably can’t hear how significant their problem really is. Your notes are clues to helping them fix the problem.
When your partner snores, you should be worried. The cause could be a more serious health concern. Express your concern for your spouse’s health and offer to help them find a solution so you can both sleep better. If you tackle the problem together instead of tackling your partner, your chances of avoiding a fight are much improved.
